Moon and Stars
by x-Athenea-x
Summary: Blake wakes up in the middle of the night and as he watches his lover sleep, he lets his minder wander...


Moon and stars

Blake woke suddenly. His heart was racing, his eyes wide open and his hands were trembling. He stared firmly at the illuminated digits of Ted's alarm clock, flashing continuously in the darkness of the room. 3.33 was the time, and he groaned slightly, wishing he'd have slept longer before waking up. He couldn't even remember what had startled him, the memories of the dream were fading fast. Only a couple of flashes remained burnt on his retina: a lake, a stone and a hoodie. He didn't know why, but sometimes he had recurring dreams that plagued his sleep. Weird, confusing and disturbing dreams that turned his slumber into insomnia. Grimly, he figured that all the anxiety that he tried so hard to push away during the day came back to haunt him during the night. Determined to ignore the early hour, he turned around, slowly and softly in a small attempt not to wake up Ted, who was laying beside him. He tucked his hand underneath the pillow and rested his head on it. In front of him lay Ted sleeping peacefully, merely a few inches away from him.

The room was darkened but a sliver of light entered the room through a small gap between the two halves of the curtain. The moon shone brightly outside and some of its light sneaked into the room, carefully caressing the silhouette of the man laying next to Blake. The contours of his body were outlined gracefully in the shadows of the night, as if his body was radiating light. "Like an angel," Blake thought.

Instinctively, Blake smiled. He wasn't even aware of the smile creeping up on his lips, neither could he stop it from forming. But that's what Ted elicited from him. There was something about Ted that made a bubble of happiness appear inside of him, right underneath his chest. Something new, something good. Blake didn't know why or what it was about Ted but his presence seem to make things better. It made him _forget _about the other stuff, stuff that was all too ready to burst that bubble of happiness. His urgent desire to be with _Crystal, _rent troubles, bad friendships, junkie reputation, getting fired from every job, having no money and no place to sleep. The list was endless and his worries were constantly running around in his head. His world seemed cold, cruel, dark and only too eager to kick him when he's down. Darkness triumphed but on a cold night, a strange burst of light came into his life and it only took a small glimpse of Ted for Blake to feel that instant pull towards him, like the tide is orchestrated by celestial bodies.

Ted was his moon, a single entity that illuminated the vast ocean of darkness that was his life. He shed his light in Blake's world and all the bad stuff didn't seem so bad. Being with him, in his bed, Blake encountered a new world. A world filled with a sense of brightness, of hope, of a promise of prosperity. Their bed felt safe, warm and comforting. Nothing would harm him, nothing would wound him. It was inviting, a place on this godforsaken earth where he was welcome, wanted and cared for. Together they had created a place for just the two of them, their private church that was sacred and meant for only them. A place of worship, of forgiveness and of serenity. One look at Ted and the raging storm inside his heart abruptly stopped. The thoughts stopped screaming at him, the overwhelming anxiety in his heart weakened and he felt his shoulders relax, as if the weight of the world had stopped pressing down on him.

He watched Ted sleep, grateful to be able to watch him when he's so vulnerable, unperturbed and free of all the issues of reality. His jaw was relaxed, fists unclenched and there wasn't a trace of worry on his face. Within a wave of emotion, Blake realised he loved everything about Ted. He loved his soft hair – dark with speckles of grey starting to come through. He knew Ted hated the marks of ageing that were starting to appear. It made him insecure and gloomy, but Blake didn't care. He's had his fair share of young guys and none of them had the maturity or wisdom to keep him interested. Ted was different. He knew it from the very start, from the moment he bumped into him on the streets.

He loved his kind eyes, always ready to offer him a glance of sympathy or compassion. His eyes were often dulled by doubts, or cynicism but Blake loved nothing more than to make him laugh or smile until a twinkle emerged in them. He loved Ted's lips, red and inviting. He closed his eyes and instantly felt the faint impression of a soft pressure of Ted's lips on his. His taste; a lingering sensation that send shivers down his spine. His smell …musky and familiar. He could inhale his scent and let it linger until memories race through his mind. His touch that was soft and firm, tracing his body as if he was a blind man trying to see.

He wanted nothing more than to feel Ted around him, inside of him and to completely be immersed by his presence. He wanted Ted to envelope him, until everything that Blake hated about himself was replaced by the beauty that is Ted. He had never imagined that someone could make him desire all those things. He never once imagined that a touch, a scent or a look could stir a flood of emotions, sensations and desires from him.

A police car drove by and the sound of the siren broke through the silence of the night. Ted shifted and slowly opened his eyes. Blake cursed inwardly, blaming the loud siren that woke up his lover. With a yawn, Ted rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "What time is it?" he mumbled.

"Early," Blake replied. "Too early." As he pulled the covers higher over Ted, Blake urged him to sleep again.

"How come you're awake?" Ted asked, slurring his words a little bit.

"Couldn't sleep." he said. "Thinking about stuff."

"Hmm, what about?"

In that moment Blake's heart skipped a beat. He wanted to share all those things he's been feeling, all those overpowering emotions that he were there inside his heart for Ted. He wanted nothing more than to proclaim his insatiable love for the man in front of him. He wanted nothing more than to shuffle closer to his lover, kiss him madly and make love to him until everything he had feared is out of his mind. He wanted to worship him in their bed, their church, to be with him as lovers. He opened his mouth to speak, to relieve this burden inside his heart … and quickly closed it again. He knew it was too soon, he knew it was too overwhelming, he knew it was unfair to spring his overflowing love onto him at this time. "Not yet!" his inner voice warned.

At the same time, he was aware that his feelings might not be returned. He had burnt bridges, not always consciously and willingly, but he had done so nonetheless. Despite good intentions, things had blown up in his face because his life had taken over. He realised that Ted needed time to built trust and that all those feelings that he had for Ted, might not be rewarded with the same intensity. He also had experienced too much to know that things would last forever. He knew too well that things were only temporary and that this relationship might not pass the test of time. So he swallowed firmly and pushed down the feelings. A desperate fear of loss and loneliness was started to creep up. He decided to remain silent, to let those fears win, for now, and see what happened next.

Instead he just shrugged and said "I think I had too much coffee before."

He grabbed Ted's hand and their fingers entwined. And with that same touch, Ted drew out a sense of peace and tranquillity from Blake. His nerves calmed down and he pushed away all thought. He focussed on Ted's face again, on his eye lashes, the wrinkles around his eyes, his cheekbones … on everything that made Ted beautiful. He listened to Ted's breathing, now once more deep and rhythmic, and a sense of peace came over him again. Slowly and steadily, he drifted away again … still holding on to Ted's unyielding hand.

One day, he'll tell Ted about the moon and the stars, but for now all he wanted to do is to witness Ted's presence enlightening his world, just for a while.


End file.
